pikaaachuuuuuuu (bless you)

I am really into the holiday spirit today. Not the putting up a christmas tree and cutting out snow flakes and snuggling up on my bed alone and watching bad holiday movies starring Tim Allen kind of spirit but the spirit of the other holiday that falls about the month of december.

We all know what that is!

CHANGE YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC TO A POKEMON MONTH!

What you were expecting something else?
Too bad.
Take your other holiday cheer elsewhere then, you spiritless wench. Humbug!

Anyway change our profile pic to a pokemon is probably the most important holiday of the season and here is why.

okay, Charelton Heston. I will listen to you. So a loooong time ago Moses was like "hey, if you don't paint your door with lamb's blood, the mist will come and kill your first born child." Well since that much blood is probably kinda hard to come by now a days/will leave an awful stain, the mist changed its mind to using cartoons of pokemon as an acceptable replacement. 

So if you are a first born kiddie like me, its probably in your best interest to do it. 

I picked gyarados.

ain't he cute? 

I also think that "real live gyrados" being the most popular hit on google makes me question the sanity of mankind. Oh well. 

Also, don't be that kid who uses Pikachu as your profile pic. That just states how much of a nerd you are not. And then the rest of the nerds will shun you. Which is a very sad thing. You know you are just completely uncool if nerds shun you.

look mom! I'm an artist!

As a fake art student, (meaning I am technically enrolled as an art major but really I just do film and am completely artistically challenged at everything else) I sit in art history--in the second row in the middle because I am a rebel like that--just looking like

heh? 

Because we're looking at this....


why yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is in fact a URINAL 
yes! the kind boys pee in and check out eachother's thingys when they're not looking!
You might be thinking "okay, i guess if he made it, it could be considered art..."
WRONG
He didn't even make it. He found it, put his name on it and called it art.
So here we are looking at this piece of art and everyone is like
"I think this means..." 
 "Clearly this is a commentary on..." 
           "...symbolic of..."    

and I'm here like

 

its just a damn urinal, people!

So the next day I'm like "Okay. That's fine. I will accept it because I am just a stupid little fake art student who doesn't understand such complex things...apparently."


So now, the professor shows us this...




What...what is this? Nothing! There is nothing there!

And my professor is like

"Its minimalistic" 

and I'm just like

No. I don't understanddddd *sob quietly* I see nothing. 

So now there is this test next monday and currently I'm into the stressing eating fun dip. 

"What is the meaning of lifeeeeee????"

I also found myself slamming down 6 pieces of bread covered in glorious nutella.....

....I am not proud of that....nope. not at all....but it was pretty damn tasty. 

And suddenly, by some nutella induced trip...
REVELATION!

If I paint my name on a urinal or draw a single line down a piece of paper
I can be a real artist too!
yipee!!!!

Glad thats all cleared up. Now I'm not some fake art student anymore.
But there still is a test on monday I have yet to study for.....
yup. Just make up some randy meaning behind these piece of art and score another 68! ...because, ya know, I'm a REAL artist now and i know EVERYTHING....

The cold and frozen tundra that is Marquette

Every Monday, I kick ass.

Literally. I take karate.

I don't have a car, so when I have to go to my karate class I just take my bike. Yeah, it's pretty cold to be doing that in the UP in mid-November... I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty hardcore.

I was running late, and tore apart my room searching for my favorite mittens, the leopard print ones with the claws on top (I wear them to attract the local gentlemen). When I finally found them, I raced down to my bike, and mentally prepared myself for another freezing ride through the wind and weather.

NOOOOOPE.

My lock was frozen solid.

I ran back up the stairs, waving to an innocent peasant along the way who cowered in fear at my claws. I burst into Kashmir's room, made my best puppy dog face, and requested a ride. She slapped me across the face.

Just kidding.

She said she would drive me, so we walked out to her car. In return of the favor, I put my mittens away to save her the embarrassment.

We took the long trek out to the Freshman parking lot, and when we finally got to her car, we opened the door and got in.

Only that didn't happen, because the doors were frozen as well.

Perhaps it was a sign from a higher power, telling me to skip class. I will never know. I don't want to brag again, but Kashmir and I are pretty buff, so it didn't take long for us to get the door open.

Hiya!

I was just joshin'

"Don't let the facts stand in the way of a good story."

In a nutshell, my life is boring.

REALLY boring.

So sometimes I just make stuff up, but it's usually so weird that I say to myself "Self, you don't have to tell people you're making this all up, it's too stupid to be true!"

Well, apparently I'm more convincing than I though!

I've gotten several texts asking if I was alright after I was "sent to the hospital after stubbing my toe on a grand piano in a dorm." There are SO many things wrong with that statement...

So from now on, I will post pieces and label them as "fiction" when I'm just messing with you.

Sound off!

a tribute to humpween

"Natalie, what the hell is humpween? ....moron....."
Well I am glad you asked, sir or madam.
Humpween is that holiday on October 31st in which people dress up in costumes and eat candy. Not to be confused with Halloween which is not much different, the major dividing line being that on Halloween one goes from door to door while on Humpween one simply stands on the street corner begging for a different sort of candy if you catch my drift....up that skirt.

Anyway, instead of going off on some crotchety old lady rant of how if you have trouble deciphering your costume from among the rest of your underwear, you're probably a slut...I will now entertain thee with a few of my favorite's...

Naughty school girl, sexy girl scout and dirty little girl.....because every adult male should want to get it on with children....

Just cause dinosaurs are freaking sexy. Party like it's the Jurassic period, brah.








  tying your arms behind your back while in high heels...very smart. "I've fallen and I can't get up!"





"Sexy Rooster Costume" ....you do in fact realize that roosters are the men, right?






Honey Badger dont care! And neither should you dressed in this lil' number.





Angry birds...you'll be the envy of every eight year old boy in the joint.





Or if you consider yourself to be a shy girl....go for subtlety...


Authentic Native American wear brought to you by  Urban Outfitters.



Russian Soldier.....because American Soldier is soooo last year.



Makin' me horny.





class in 1 sq. inch, ladies and gentleman


Now, you see....it is just too damn cold for any of these things up here in UP.... the snow is usually a fallin' by that time....So one must work a coat into your costume whenever possible....
So I decided to be an industrious kid and get someone more talented than me to make me a shiny pink jacket so I could go as a capitol person from the Hunger Games (because that is hella original this year).
But you know...



So I ended up doing this

plain ole bad ass zombie. Classic. 

But I do plan on being a knocked-up hillbilly next year.

Happy Humpween/Halloween, kiddies.

My Girl Crush

So if you weren't aware already, I have a HUGE girl crush on my psych professor. And I REALLY hope she never finds this post...

Brief introduction: Professor Ziat, she's from Algeria, but she's white (So, if you're from Africa, how come you're white?). She has the most fabulous accent ever heard by man, she is Jesus, and she scuba dives with sharks for fun. And, in all seriousness, she truly has a kind heart and really cares about her students as not only students, but as people.

So, I decided to roam the halls of Gries today, and I walked by her office. The door was open and she was inside, so I popped my head in and said "Hey professor Ziat, I'm an aimless wanderer!" As I started to walk away, I was halted.

"Wait, Mariel, I want to talk to you.", at which I died.

So we had a talk about top-secret information at first, and then we just started getting into the most random topics of all of human conversation. She told me of her dreams... aka to live on an island alone with her sharks, at which I was like nuh-uh, I will come and find you sister. I don't think she knew I was being serious.

"Mariel, would you like some chips?" at which I died yet again. We shared the bag of chips, clearly an important moment in our relationship.

I don't really remember much else from that conversation, for my mind was fixated on her radiating beauty... Haha just kidding I remember every word but it's just between us... you wouldn't understand.

As the clock ticked on, it was time for us to part. We walked a ways out of her office and down the hall. As we departed, her hand made contact with my shoulder, two beautiful, delicate pats. I thought perhaps it would be in my best interest to return this display of affection, but Professor Ziat had moved out of the way. Unfortunately, my eyes didn't catch that on time, so I spent a couple of seconds awkwardly swatting the air that occupied the space where she had stood moments before.

I think it was meant to be.

Bhi forever

stop badgering me!

Oh my what a fantastic pun that title is. Let us bask in my wittiness for a brief moment. Okay, I'm done.

Anyway....

First off, I'm just gonna hope my suite mates never sees this. If you do...sorry, guys. 

Okay, so you would think that three girls sharing one bathroom is more hazardous than standing near a crappy microwave while eating red m&ms and drinking a bottle of windex. 

But it isn't.

Most of the time. 

One of my suite mates is practically a mythological creature, she is so seldom seen. Like a leprechaun. If you can spot her, you get to make a wish and ask for a pot of gold. I think I saw her maybe like twice since school started. 

So like any respectable college student...I'm thinking about going to bed at 2:00am. So I get up to go brush my teeth but she is in the shower. and I'm just like "who the hell takes a shower at 2 in the morning?!" Okay, so I'll wait. The water turns off and I think "allllrighty!" and I open the door like twenty minutes later and its like

"Sorryyyyyyyyy!" As I shamefully creep backwards and shut the door. The girl is doing her effing makeup or something. Where are you going with makeup like that at 2 in the morning, Miss Leprechaun?!"
And I look kind of like

at this point, thinking "when the hell can I just brush my teeth so I can go to sleeeeeeppppp?!" 

Then of course, after that she decides to shave her legs and I'm just like 

Just kidding. But I wish.

So finally around 4ish, I get in brush my teeth, wash my face and hit the sack.
Then like half an hour later I remembered I forgot to pee. So I'm in bed like
Fine, Mr. Spock. I'll listen to you. So, I'm basically a zombie at this point and then I trudge over to the bathroom and didn't turn the lights on cause they would burn my eyes out of my face and pull aside the curtain and see 
This giant effing angry badger poster hanging across from the toilet!!!!! And I'm just likePlease don't kill meeee! Im gonna dieeeeeeee!

The next morning after closer inspection in the daylight...
I realize it was a homage to the youtube smash hit "the honey badger"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

So of course my friends laugh their asses off at me.

The lethal act of "landsharking"

As I sat on my bed, conversing with my friend about the matter of Landsharks, I realized I have no one up here who truly understands me. No one to bask in the glory that is the Landshark, and that needed to change.

I bounded off my bed with the speed of a... landshark... and darted across my room, treading cautiously to avoid the leaves scattered around our floor, through the bathroom, and into the residence of Kashmir and Christine. The room was occupied with Josie as well. So I announced my purpose and invited myself into the room, set my laptop upon the dresser, and played the video that changed the lives of so many... also known as "Landshark"

I felt that I was doing a good deed by introducing the peasants and the Dark Lord (Kashmir) to this video, and I was shocked to see the facial expression of the Dark Lord to be unchanging. Perplexed, I asked her why this was so.

"That was just so funny that I couldn't even laugh, you know? Because if I laughed I might have missed the next funny part." said Kashmir. We all concurred with the Dark Lord.

"At my high school we used to run around like this." I said. So I demonstrated my landsharking, and I spun around on my heel and put on my show. Unfortunately, what lay behind me was unimaginable horror.

A grand piano resided in the doorway of their residence, and I  never even saw it coming. As I was running forward, fin on back, I crashed pinky-toe first into the piano. Screams flew from my lips as I felt my lifeless body crashing toward the floor like a helpless doll, and I landed with a thud. Everything went black.

The next thing I knew I was being carried away via stretcher, the fire department had prioritized my fate, ignoring the raging fires throughout Marquette, and had come to my rescue. I looked back and locked eyes with Josie.

"There was a piano there."

My lips curled into a smile and I prayed it would be a sufficient manner in which to show my gratitude for her warning. Who knows what may have happened had she not spoken up?

From that moment on, my life changed forever. I have become afraid.

I will never landshark again.

Pronouncing My Name Tutorial

I'm sorry the sound sucks (or it does on my computer anyways... Natalie's computer is better so if there is a next time then I will use hers :)

An Astoundingly Awkward Afternoon

Haha just kidding, my whole day was full of being embarrassed but I like alliteration.

Alright, lets go:

So this morning, I woke up at 8:45... and my first class is at 9. I threw on some sweatpants and a peacoat, which, combined, made an eyesore of an ensemble. I saw that one cute guy who lives down the hall, who also happens to be in my psych class, and the last thing I wanted was for him to witness this get-up. So I was walking behind him, hardly darning to breathe as I tried to conceal the sound of my footsteps. Apparently the sound was conspicuous enough for him to hear, because he turned around and held the door open for me. (In Kashmir's version of the story, I wanted him to open the door for me and then he took one look at me and refused to hold it open. Definitely a better story.)

After English I went to the MP for breakfast, and as I was walking back (still in my peacoat-sweatpants work of art) guess who I saw? Cute boy from down  the hall. I was hoping he wouldn't look at me, so I stared directly ahead of myself but kept him in my peripheral vision. I was good for quite some time, nearly made my escape, and in one sweeping movement, he looked right at me.

Up until math, everything was going fine. Then during class I got really bored and decided to play some air penguin. Of course, I didn't have the volume turned off, and squeaking penguin noises burst from the speaker of my phone. Needless to say, I got some glares thrown in my direction.

* An added note for anyone in my family reading this saying that I shouldn't be playing with my phone in class. I did not pay attention at all last chapter, and got a 93% on the exam. Planning on doing the same this chapter

Then I had to hop on my bike (the one with the wet butt cushion) and ride into town. I was jammin' and having a great time, and then I decided to actually start singing out loud. Riding a bike uphill requires a fair amount of breath, so the singing wasn't exactly up to par. But it's not like anyone could hear me, right? WRONG. Of course, another girl was in proximity to me on her bike.

And then I was eating dinner with two girls I met through ballet. I was saying something, and one of them asked me a question. The casual "yeah" was in my head, but of course that's not what came out of my mouth. Instead, I underestimated my vocal chords and practically screamed it. It seemed like they noticed it, but not to the extent that I did, so I could have been just imagining how loud I was.

Finally, about 20 minutes ago, I was walking back from the MP and to my dorm with my ice cream cone in hand. I was forgetting to breathe (I do that sometimes... Am I weird?) and as I finally remembered, I went through the motions... inhale the air... exhale the air... and simultaneously exhale a chunk of ice cream. God, I'm majestic. 

naps are a beautiful thing

College:
1) Good grades
2) A Social Life
3) Sleep
...now pick two.

This has basically been the bane of my existence for the last three months. When numbers 1 and 2 are chosen, number 3 becomes a distant and far off figment of your imagination. Therefore, the only remedy for this is naps.
Now where do these naps occur you might ask? Not in a bed, no no no, that is crazy talk. There is no time for napping in a bed.
You nap where ever you can.

Exhibit One: Outside of the theatre, a girl was completely knocked out face first on a low wall, her arms hanging off the side of it. To be honest, I thought she was dead for a second. Turning to the nearest stranger, I asked if she was alive. Together, we investigated the girl, watching her back rise and fall with sleep. She was in fact alive.

Exhibit Two: Everywhere you go, there is a couch. For the longest time I had no idea why there was a couch occupying virtually every available space on campus. But now I know their sole purpose is for naps. There is this guy who is the very definition of a Yooper/mountain man/lumber jack/grody, ironic hipster complete with a plaid shirt and the bushiest beard fast asleep, mouth hanging open with a newspaper over his face and an open MacBook on his lap.

Exhibit Three: This guy was the smart one. He found two trees in the academic mall and strung up a freaking hammock. Like who actually thinks "hm, today I will bring my hammock with me to nap in between classes"? Good thinking, kid. Way to anticipate the nap.

Exhibit Four: I will admit that I have too experienced an impromptu nap...or two. I was afraid I was going to be late to my class wayyyyy over yonder on the other side of campus in the Jacobetti building so I leave extra early. Lo and behold I get there 45 minutes early. What do I do? Claim a bench and sleep on it like a straight up hobo. It was fantastic. 

So don't be embarrassed next time you choose options number 1 and 2 because there is always room for number 3.

Trashy

While most people do stupid stuff while they're drunk, I do stupid stuff when I'm tired.

And stupid in my case means cleaning. That doesn't sound dumb, does it? Well it is. Because when I clean and I'm not thinking straight, things end up in funny places. I mostly just shove everything under my bed, make a pile of recyclables, throw scraps of random stuff out, and put the "important" documents that I'm most likely never going to look at again in my drawer.

But when I'm tired, sometimes things end up in the wrong place... like my Express card, which gives me food...

I texted Natalie and asked her if she wanted to go to the MP, and of course I couldn't find my card! So after spending about half an hour demolishing my room, I went down to the front desk and the MP to ask if they had it, and neither of them did. And I came back to my room and had to contemplate. What the heck did I do with it? And my eyes fell on the trash can.

No way, I thought to myself. But I had to check, didn't I? I literally ripped my room apart looking for it, so the card couldn't be anywhere else. But what if my roommate walks in on me? I've already been telling her to "go to her grave" in my sleep (which is another entire story) and the last thing I need is for her to think I'm eating out of the garbage or something. 

Lo and behold! I threw my card in the trash. And so began the series of uncomfortable explanations to the girl at the front desk and the guy who checks us in at the MP.

For the record, dinner wasn't particularly scrump (shout out to Tarny!) last night, so my excitement was pointless.

Happy October!

The Hard Times of Natalie Berger

Ever since its premier in 2010, The Hard Times of RJ Berger has haunted every fiber of my being. People think they are so witty and original when they call me "RJ" or ask me if its hard....and then its like "oh ha ha look how hilarious you are. You didn't think that other guy over there just said the same thing?" For the longest time avoided that show like the PLAGUE 

But then I watched it for the first time the other day and had a revelation....

HOLY MOTHER OF TOM CRUISE ITS MY TWIN

Perhaps we're related.....

"Im so in love!" says everyone but me

754, 046, 393 people are kissing right now. Just kidding, I made that up just now. Did you know 85% of all statistics are made up?

Okay if there really are 754, 046, 393 people kissing right now, I know for a fact that I am not included in that bunch. Mostly because I am writing this blog right now but I wasn't kissing anyone in the last 24 hours (and 12+ months either...) But I suppose its for the best because love makes everyone crazy and I'm already packing on enough crazy. So now I will tell you stories of other crazy people overcome by their love. 

Serenading someone outside their window is considered to be one of the most romantic gestures you can do for someone you love, whether it be a mariachi band, a boom box or (my personal favorite) a full ukulele band. But most movies don't show the part of the story before the person inside the room finally notices someone is throwing things at their window. They probably don't do this because, well, you look like a damn moron. 

 It was cold and dark and drizzling as I walked by the residents' hall. Squinting into the darkness, I see a boy with a guitar slung over his back standing beneath a window up on the third floor. He draws back his arm and begins throwing rocks up at the window, eventually trying a whole fist full after the first ones fail. Well, this clearly wasn't very well thought out because what goes up, must come down. And now here I am, laughing my butt off at this poor kid shielding himself from a shower of rocks. It may have been the most depressing thing I've ever seen coming from someone other than myself. But I do give mad props to the kid for his determination because after his unfortunate rock shower, he just picks up where he left off and starts throwing again. So, Mister John Cusack of NMU, we at Awkward Adventures are hoping you and your lady friend got it on like a couple of bunnies that night. Because you deserve it, buddy. 

Professional Help

So, I was having a rough day and called my mom.

Bad idea.

Home girl freaked out and ordered me to go see an on-campus therapist...

Now mind you, I saw a therapist for almost two years back at home. She was one of the greatest people I've met in my life, and inspired me to become a therapist as well. I didn't think I would be able to connect with anyone on the level that we did, but I wanted to keep an open mind. Then I started feeling really guilty, that I was wasting the therapist's time because I don't need a therapist anymore!

I actually got there, and then she came out of her office and half smiled, not really a friendly one, but not hostile. I automatically didn't like her, but still told myself I had to give her a chance.

So she asked me how I felt about being here.

"Well, I guess like everyone else I'm having mixed feelings about it. It's nice meeting so many new people, but at the same time I miss my old friends."

To which she replied:

"Well, it kind of sounds like you're having mixed feelings about being here."

... I just said that. 

And that was pretty much the first half of the therapy session, hearing myself being quoted. Then at some point I really started missing my old therapist. I was making jokes, and the new lady was completely unresponsive, and my old therapist would crack up even if they were really terrible. So I just started crying because this session was so painfully uncomfortable and pointless...

"I can see that you're kind of tearing up"

"Oh no, I just have allergies" I lied.

And the session concluded with me giving one word responses, her telling me that I could see a different therapist since it was so obvious that we had no connection, and me practically crashing into the door from trying to escape so quickly.

So the point of this story is... well, there is no point, there never is.

18 Bad-Ass Things

Happy birthday to me.

I've entered the real world today! I don't feel any different...

So anyways, I've been working on this list for a while. It hit me one day that I get great pleasure out of talking like I'm hardcore, and being from Detroit (well, Berkley, same thing, right?) automatically established my "thug" status. But I realized I had never really lived up to my title, my calling. So I started to work on a list of every delinquent activity I had taken part in, and did a few more things to add on to it. So, here it is, the 18 bad-ass things I did before I turned 18:

1. Forged my Dad's signature

That's right. We went on a field trip, and I just felt like using my master skills to sign the slip as my dad. But don't worry, I told him where we were going and when we were getting back, didn't wanna take things too far...

2. Pierced myself.

That second hole on my earlobe that you see? Did it myself. Got infected...

3. Drove a car...

...at age 13. BAM.

4. Was told that all minors were required by law to wear a life jacket on a tubing adventure... didn't wear a life jacket.

5. Smoked a cigarette

So honestly, I think smoking is so gross. I did this one so that when I say "smoking is gross" people won't say "oh but you've never tried it" because I have!!! >:)

6. Drank Alcohol

At a Christmas party. Took the offer despite my mom's disapproving glares.

7. Drove with more than one passenger in the car within the first year of getting my license.

Is this only a Michigan law? I don't know. But I broke it.

8. Didn't ask parent's permission to play on Neopets.Com

The guilt has haunted me throughout the years, but don't tell my thug friends.

9. Stole a beanie baby

Don't worry, I got scared and put it back.

10. Skipped class

11. Cheated on a test

I could only use one sheet of paper for my cheat sheet and I had it written on two pieces of paper but it could all fit on one page, and my teacher caught me pulling out sheet #2. Didn't get punished, I must have intimidated her.

12. Got kicked out of Westborn

On a number of occasions.

13. Trespassed on The Homestead resort and skied down the hill

All Uncle Jim's idea

14. Took frogs home from the campsite when Grandma told me not to

15. Snuck out

When I was 10. We wanted to pretend to be witches in the dark, and the parental units wouldn't let us go outside. We went anyway.

16. Asked my teacher to go to the bathroom. Roamed the halls instead.

17. Went home for lunch as a Freshman in High School... WITHOUT A PASS

BHS wasn't all into off campus lunch for underclassmen.

18. Freeloaded on free samples at Westborn.

Yee. Thug life. I guess I should straighten out now that I'm an adult, though.
  

Surprise Hand Holding

Okay, so this is basically pretty self explanatory....

please enjoy our shenanigans for the day. 

Here is the original video (because we are copycats) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W27pfiRg5WQ

No, I promise, it's just water

Don't get me wrong, I love my bike like the child I never had (and will not have for quite some time). My jeep is currently residing in Metro-Detroit, so as for transportation, I'm stuck with either my own two feet or my freaking-awesome-spectacular-hardcore mountain bike. The choice should be quite apparent, right?

Well, not really.

The skies of Marquette have been splattering the poor kids here with rain every day for the last week. Even when the sun is shinning, there is a good chance that the angels are crying. I'm serious, the sun will be blaring and just when you let your guard down and walk outside to bask in the sunshine, IT'S RAINING SIMULTANEOUSLY!!!

There are definitely ups and downs to riding a bike in the rain. Sure, you arrive at your destination in a more timely fashion that on foot. And yeah, at the same you're getting whipped in the face with the rain with 10 times the force. But of course, I have much worse problems.

You see, dear reader, the seat on my bike is extremely absorbent, and that equals a giant stain of water right on my tush every time I ride it. Cute, huh? And if you've ever biked in Marquette, you would know that you can't just stand the whole ride, you would die of exhaustion from those insane uphills!

So, I tried a few of my techniques to hide my rear-end and avoid interrogation.

1. The Ninja

AKA walking with my back against the wall. It not only hides my derriere, it makes me look just generally awesome. People are like, hey, I want to hang with that girl!

2. The off-the-shoulder look

AKA only leaving one strap of my backpack on my shoulder, and the other one to dangle freely. Unfortunately, it actually touches my wet jeans, so now there is a giant blue stain on the back of my bag. But it's not like anyone even sees that part of my backpack anyways.

3. The Ballerina

AKA just spinning and turning around so no one can focus on one part of your body for too long. You'll also get street cred for your sick dance moves.

However, sometimes people are just so fixated on butts that you can't un-glue their eyes. If all else fails, you've still got another option besides explaining what REALLY happened (because we all know that's no fun). All you've got to do is just  embarrass them even more. So, simply accuse them of being a pervert, or a lesbian (or both), and just walk away.

A running list of thoughts for the weekend

this coconut bra is quite uncomfortable.
I look like an angler fish.
gjaigjaigbkladkfbjai bahhhh homecoming float building.
my butt is really cold in here.
what if I chop my finger off?
This star has a little nemo fin.
that is super adorable! I must buy it.
Oh wow...I'm not going to tell you that looks awful....
maybe if I sit this way it'll make my butt look good.
why is that green? oh well.
Allow me to just sit and stare at you for a bit.
OMGGGGG okay. im good.
Well this is cramped.
gahhh its toooo hotttt.
now im really cold.
did that just happen?
aw dang just got paint all over my awesome pants.
I'm hungry.
I'm starving.
third wheellinnnn!
i look so bad ass right now.
this isn't going to stand up by itself.
bring me the gaff tape!!!
BIG BEN IS DOWN!
please dont let me fall off.
I am going to die.
oh look...its starting to rain.....
hold onnnnn tiiigghhttt
I almost just died.
I deserve a smoothie.
Just let me put on this giant dog costume and look super sexy....
so heavyyy and hotttt
woof. woof. I look dumb. woof woof. my neck hurts. woof.
dumb jocks leaving their trash everywhere.
let me pick it up.
it smells like dog poop in here....
THERE IS POO ON MY HAND
dumb jocks leaving dog crap everywhere.
get offfff myyy handdddd
why does it smell like coffee in my room?
oh...i just spilled it everywhere....
no time! I have to go to an interview!
I really need to clean this up.
wait....who is coming over?
just a little.
i love this show!
watch me....i know ALL the words
oh...im not as good as you....
sure.
Im on an egg.
gotta pee.
let me sit in this box.
oops.
Im in a egg.
wish you were here....
no! bad idea!
what if i could laugh colors?
....I think I should go to bed now.
noooooo i dont want to wake uppppp
So much laundryyyy
washer.
sleep.
wake up.
dryer.
sleep.
wake up.
mmm fun dip is so good.
Im cold.
let me lean back in this chair and close the window....
ouch. that was dumb.
im hungry...maybe I should haul my butt to the MP....
So lazzyyyy you come over *here*
I love this movieeee
you guys are so adorable. I wish I could have that now.
I like food.
faceboookkkk
hope no one finds out!
one more...
bahhh you're kidding meeeee.
sleeeep.
im hungry
lets play with this giant box i found.
impostor bubble wrap!!!
lets go work out!
Im all glisteny and sweaty
I hope this doesn't make my butt look big.
ooooweeee Ima look hot!
Patrick swayyyzzeeee mmmmm
ima paint my nails
....must....itch...faceee
i have no life.
let me post this blog.
I am so hilarious....and sexy.
Im tired.
Oh crap....maybe I should have studied...oh well.

How to make friends

So, when you're at school 8 hours away from home, odds are you're a total loner. Our cafeteria here at NMU is called the Market Place(or MP), and while most kids here are, literally, drooling with anticipation to get their food, I'm usually freaking out. Why? Because not having a lot of friends means a LOT of sitting alone.

But the good news is, there is a plethora of other kids who are stuck with this horrible fate as well. And so it was decided: I am going to make friends by sitting with random people.

Out of the 5 billion times that I've sat down with random people, I made one friend whom I still talk to. The other 4,999,999,999 times, I just make the poor kids feel really, really uncomfortable, but I must give them props because they are super talented when it comes to hiding it.

So this actually happened a few days ago, but it was so funny that I just had to tell you about it:

After I prepared my own waffle, slightly deformed, drizzled it in the syrup we all secretly love to indulge in, and snagged one of those scrumptious muffins, I walked into the spirit room and sought out my victim.

OH MY GOD!!!!

For once, an extremely attractive young man was sitting all by himself, and I pounced on opportunity.

"Hey, are you sitting by yourself?" Said I.

"Oh yeah, you can sit here if you want." Said he.

"Wanna go get married? Right now?" Said no one. Unfortunately.

So I sat down and muttered something about being a freshman and not knowing anyone here, and just my luck, a girl I had met a few days before yelled "Oh, hey Mariel!" and like that, my cover was blown. I wasn't the pitiful loner girl anymore. He smiled, but I was dying. How was I supposed to win his heart if I couldn't receive his pity?

So I panicked and decided to improvise. Names will be changed to protect identity.

"Hey, Jessie! Wanna come sit with us?"

So she came over and we all introduced ourselves, and went through the typical list of things we all like to ask each other when we're meeting new people here: Which dorm are you in, what's your major, what class has got you up so early that you're at the MP at 7:30 in the morning, etc. When of course, our new friend, Gary, told us that he was studying pre-dentistry.

"Eww, that's... Well, I don't want to offend, but I have a lot against dentists, since one of them invented the electric chair. And can you IMAGINE what it would be like to have to constantly be looking in people's mouths? That's so gross! But if that's what you like, then that's cool." Said Jessie.

Followed by awkward silence.

Gary smiled at me (and I melted), and told me that the muffin I grabbed looked really good, and that he was going to go get one as well.

Needless to say, he never came back.

Opportunity abolished.

Senor Shirtless

I feel like we all know that one guy (or girl?) who almost never seems to wear a shirt. And the times they do actually bother to cover up their abs of steel (or pudding if you are so unlucky) its basically the shirt equivalent to a thong--absolutely no point other than getting into a restaurant....though you could probably get away with no underwear in a restaurant but why wouldn't you wear underwear to a restaurant anyway? But thats beside the point. Its basically the saddest excuse for a shirt I've ever seen.
That guy lives directly across the hall from me.
Opens the door.
Removes thong shirt.
Flex and rub his happy trail.
And I can see all of this from the comfort of my little black ikea chair at my desk.
This may sound like a complaint but it is far from it.
Who WOULD complain about Senor Shirtless prancing about in nothing but a towel? I could honestly sit with a giant bowl of popcorn and watch the show all day.
But then comes the time when its like....okay, sir....you are currently in the process of ruining every other shirtless experience I may have in the future (although that future is likely in a galaxy far, far away because i just had the nerve to quote science fiction). But still! I'm becoming immune to rippling abdominal muscles. Now its like, okay, whatever, see it all the time, no big deal. But it should be a big deal! It needs to be more along the lines of "holy pectoralis major, batman!!!"
Maybe I will grant him with a gift of oversized, itchy, wooly christmas sweater....complete with jingle bells. Hot.
But then that would completely immunize me against men wearing christmas sweaters....and that may be worse. I cannot have that.

Hello, I'm Natalie

Oh hai. I'm Natalie. This is me. In a box. In outerspace. Aren't I cool. Hotdog. Be super jealous. Maybe cry about it. Get over it. Eggplant. Now be happy and realize I am a liar because this is photoshopped. Charlie Sheen. Now I will talk about myself. 

I am also a Freshie at Northern Michigan University majoring in digital cinema and theatre (which happen to both make the list of most useless majors so I am basically part of the Future Hobos/Waitress/Barmitzva Photographer of America club). Anyway, being a poor college kid who cant even afford milk for my cardboardy Honey Bunches of  Oats (with almonds) and nothing on television except reruns of The Kardashians and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, I have no other choice than to succumb to the myriad of ridiculousness college provides.  I learn so much...and go to class on the side of all this. 

So have a grand ole time basking in the warmth of the narcissism of this blog.

An introduction to the magical life of Mariel Murray

Hola!

So I'm Mariel, and over dinner tonight I was discussing with my friend Natalie the matter of "blogging" and how I wished to participate in the wonderful world of blogs!

But what the heck was I supposed to blog about?

So we started talking about different subjects, and a grand idea hit us. Since we both seem to be getting stuck in weird/uncomfortable situations on a regular basis, we decided to be co-authors on our blog, The Awkward Adventures!

So anyways, I guess you would like to know my life story now. Well, I'm a Freshman at Northern Michigan University, studying Psychology. I'm a dancer, which is funny because I'm a klutz so I'm always tripping/falling. I'm also a photographer, which is also funny because I drop my camera on occasion and she just never breaks, she's a trooper.

Natalie and I danced together in High School, and she's my only friend here (insert forever alone face) :(. Just kidding, we have Andy. And Billy. And my roommate is pretty cool. And sometimes I go out to dinner with the kids down the hall. And that girl who sits by me in math who smells kind of funny.

I also live in a dorm. It's a pretty tough life being a poor college student, so let's see how this year goes...

Thanks for stalking us!