a tribute to humpween

"Natalie, what the hell is humpween? ....moron....."
Well I am glad you asked, sir or madam.
Humpween is that holiday on October 31st in which people dress up in costumes and eat candy. Not to be confused with Halloween which is not much different, the major dividing line being that on Halloween one goes from door to door while on Humpween one simply stands on the street corner begging for a different sort of candy if you catch my drift....up that skirt.

Anyway, instead of going off on some crotchety old lady rant of how if you have trouble deciphering your costume from among the rest of your underwear, you're probably a slut...I will now entertain thee with a few of my favorite's...

Naughty school girl, sexy girl scout and dirty little girl.....because every adult male should want to get it on with children....

Just cause dinosaurs are freaking sexy. Party like it's the Jurassic period, brah.








  tying your arms behind your back while in high heels...very smart. "I've fallen and I can't get up!"





"Sexy Rooster Costume" ....you do in fact realize that roosters are the men, right?






Honey Badger dont care! And neither should you dressed in this lil' number.





Angry birds...you'll be the envy of every eight year old boy in the joint.





Or if you consider yourself to be a shy girl....go for subtlety...


Authentic Native American wear brought to you by  Urban Outfitters.



Russian Soldier.....because American Soldier is soooo last year.



Makin' me horny.





class in 1 sq. inch, ladies and gentleman


Now, you see....it is just too damn cold for any of these things up here in UP.... the snow is usually a fallin' by that time....So one must work a coat into your costume whenever possible....
So I decided to be an industrious kid and get someone more talented than me to make me a shiny pink jacket so I could go as a capitol person from the Hunger Games (because that is hella original this year).
But you know...



So I ended up doing this

plain ole bad ass zombie. Classic. 

But I do plan on being a knocked-up hillbilly next year.

Happy Humpween/Halloween, kiddies.

My Girl Crush

So if you weren't aware already, I have a HUGE girl crush on my psych professor. And I REALLY hope she never finds this post...

Brief introduction: Professor Ziat, she's from Algeria, but she's white (So, if you're from Africa, how come you're white?). She has the most fabulous accent ever heard by man, she is Jesus, and she scuba dives with sharks for fun. And, in all seriousness, she truly has a kind heart and really cares about her students as not only students, but as people.

So, I decided to roam the halls of Gries today, and I walked by her office. The door was open and she was inside, so I popped my head in and said "Hey professor Ziat, I'm an aimless wanderer!" As I started to walk away, I was halted.

"Wait, Mariel, I want to talk to you.", at which I died.

So we had a talk about top-secret information at first, and then we just started getting into the most random topics of all of human conversation. She told me of her dreams... aka to live on an island alone with her sharks, at which I was like nuh-uh, I will come and find you sister. I don't think she knew I was being serious.

"Mariel, would you like some chips?" at which I died yet again. We shared the bag of chips, clearly an important moment in our relationship.

I don't really remember much else from that conversation, for my mind was fixated on her radiating beauty... Haha just kidding I remember every word but it's just between us... you wouldn't understand.

As the clock ticked on, it was time for us to part. We walked a ways out of her office and down the hall. As we departed, her hand made contact with my shoulder, two beautiful, delicate pats. I thought perhaps it would be in my best interest to return this display of affection, but Professor Ziat had moved out of the way. Unfortunately, my eyes didn't catch that on time, so I spent a couple of seconds awkwardly swatting the air that occupied the space where she had stood moments before.

I think it was meant to be.

Bhi forever

stop badgering me!

Oh my what a fantastic pun that title is. Let us bask in my wittiness for a brief moment. Okay, I'm done.

Anyway....

First off, I'm just gonna hope my suite mates never sees this. If you do...sorry, guys. 

Okay, so you would think that three girls sharing one bathroom is more hazardous than standing near a crappy microwave while eating red m&ms and drinking a bottle of windex. 

But it isn't.

Most of the time. 

One of my suite mates is practically a mythological creature, she is so seldom seen. Like a leprechaun. If you can spot her, you get to make a wish and ask for a pot of gold. I think I saw her maybe like twice since school started. 

So like any respectable college student...I'm thinking about going to bed at 2:00am. So I get up to go brush my teeth but she is in the shower. and I'm just like "who the hell takes a shower at 2 in the morning?!" Okay, so I'll wait. The water turns off and I think "allllrighty!" and I open the door like twenty minutes later and its like

"Sorryyyyyyyyy!" As I shamefully creep backwards and shut the door. The girl is doing her effing makeup or something. Where are you going with makeup like that at 2 in the morning, Miss Leprechaun?!"
And I look kind of like

at this point, thinking "when the hell can I just brush my teeth so I can go to sleeeeeeppppp?!" 

Then of course, after that she decides to shave her legs and I'm just like 

Just kidding. But I wish.

So finally around 4ish, I get in brush my teeth, wash my face and hit the sack.
Then like half an hour later I remembered I forgot to pee. So I'm in bed like
Fine, Mr. Spock. I'll listen to you. So, I'm basically a zombie at this point and then I trudge over to the bathroom and didn't turn the lights on cause they would burn my eyes out of my face and pull aside the curtain and see 
This giant effing angry badger poster hanging across from the toilet!!!!! And I'm just likePlease don't kill meeee! Im gonna dieeeeeeee!

The next morning after closer inspection in the daylight...
I realize it was a homage to the youtube smash hit "the honey badger"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

So of course my friends laugh their asses off at me.

The lethal act of "landsharking"

As I sat on my bed, conversing with my friend about the matter of Landsharks, I realized I have no one up here who truly understands me. No one to bask in the glory that is the Landshark, and that needed to change.

I bounded off my bed with the speed of a... landshark... and darted across my room, treading cautiously to avoid the leaves scattered around our floor, through the bathroom, and into the residence of Kashmir and Christine. The room was occupied with Josie as well. So I announced my purpose and invited myself into the room, set my laptop upon the dresser, and played the video that changed the lives of so many... also known as "Landshark"

I felt that I was doing a good deed by introducing the peasants and the Dark Lord (Kashmir) to this video, and I was shocked to see the facial expression of the Dark Lord to be unchanging. Perplexed, I asked her why this was so.

"That was just so funny that I couldn't even laugh, you know? Because if I laughed I might have missed the next funny part." said Kashmir. We all concurred with the Dark Lord.

"At my high school we used to run around like this." I said. So I demonstrated my landsharking, and I spun around on my heel and put on my show. Unfortunately, what lay behind me was unimaginable horror.

A grand piano resided in the doorway of their residence, and I  never even saw it coming. As I was running forward, fin on back, I crashed pinky-toe first into the piano. Screams flew from my lips as I felt my lifeless body crashing toward the floor like a helpless doll, and I landed with a thud. Everything went black.

The next thing I knew I was being carried away via stretcher, the fire department had prioritized my fate, ignoring the raging fires throughout Marquette, and had come to my rescue. I looked back and locked eyes with Josie.

"There was a piano there."

My lips curled into a smile and I prayed it would be a sufficient manner in which to show my gratitude for her warning. Who knows what may have happened had she not spoken up?

From that moment on, my life changed forever. I have become afraid.

I will never landshark again.

Pronouncing My Name Tutorial

I'm sorry the sound sucks (or it does on my computer anyways... Natalie's computer is better so if there is a next time then I will use hers :)

An Astoundingly Awkward Afternoon

Haha just kidding, my whole day was full of being embarrassed but I like alliteration.

Alright, lets go:

So this morning, I woke up at 8:45... and my first class is at 9. I threw on some sweatpants and a peacoat, which, combined, made an eyesore of an ensemble. I saw that one cute guy who lives down the hall, who also happens to be in my psych class, and the last thing I wanted was for him to witness this get-up. So I was walking behind him, hardly darning to breathe as I tried to conceal the sound of my footsteps. Apparently the sound was conspicuous enough for him to hear, because he turned around and held the door open for me. (In Kashmir's version of the story, I wanted him to open the door for me and then he took one look at me and refused to hold it open. Definitely a better story.)

After English I went to the MP for breakfast, and as I was walking back (still in my peacoat-sweatpants work of art) guess who I saw? Cute boy from down  the hall. I was hoping he wouldn't look at me, so I stared directly ahead of myself but kept him in my peripheral vision. I was good for quite some time, nearly made my escape, and in one sweeping movement, he looked right at me.

Up until math, everything was going fine. Then during class I got really bored and decided to play some air penguin. Of course, I didn't have the volume turned off, and squeaking penguin noises burst from the speaker of my phone. Needless to say, I got some glares thrown in my direction.

* An added note for anyone in my family reading this saying that I shouldn't be playing with my phone in class. I did not pay attention at all last chapter, and got a 93% on the exam. Planning on doing the same this chapter

Then I had to hop on my bike (the one with the wet butt cushion) and ride into town. I was jammin' and having a great time, and then I decided to actually start singing out loud. Riding a bike uphill requires a fair amount of breath, so the singing wasn't exactly up to par. But it's not like anyone could hear me, right? WRONG. Of course, another girl was in proximity to me on her bike.

And then I was eating dinner with two girls I met through ballet. I was saying something, and one of them asked me a question. The casual "yeah" was in my head, but of course that's not what came out of my mouth. Instead, I underestimated my vocal chords and practically screamed it. It seemed like they noticed it, but not to the extent that I did, so I could have been just imagining how loud I was.

Finally, about 20 minutes ago, I was walking back from the MP and to my dorm with my ice cream cone in hand. I was forgetting to breathe (I do that sometimes... Am I weird?) and as I finally remembered, I went through the motions... inhale the air... exhale the air... and simultaneously exhale a chunk of ice cream. God, I'm majestic. 

naps are a beautiful thing

College:
1) Good grades
2) A Social Life
3) Sleep
...now pick two.

This has basically been the bane of my existence for the last three months. When numbers 1 and 2 are chosen, number 3 becomes a distant and far off figment of your imagination. Therefore, the only remedy for this is naps.
Now where do these naps occur you might ask? Not in a bed, no no no, that is crazy talk. There is no time for napping in a bed.
You nap where ever you can.

Exhibit One: Outside of the theatre, a girl was completely knocked out face first on a low wall, her arms hanging off the side of it. To be honest, I thought she was dead for a second. Turning to the nearest stranger, I asked if she was alive. Together, we investigated the girl, watching her back rise and fall with sleep. She was in fact alive.

Exhibit Two: Everywhere you go, there is a couch. For the longest time I had no idea why there was a couch occupying virtually every available space on campus. But now I know their sole purpose is for naps. There is this guy who is the very definition of a Yooper/mountain man/lumber jack/grody, ironic hipster complete with a plaid shirt and the bushiest beard fast asleep, mouth hanging open with a newspaper over his face and an open MacBook on his lap.

Exhibit Three: This guy was the smart one. He found two trees in the academic mall and strung up a freaking hammock. Like who actually thinks "hm, today I will bring my hammock with me to nap in between classes"? Good thinking, kid. Way to anticipate the nap.

Exhibit Four: I will admit that I have too experienced an impromptu nap...or two. I was afraid I was going to be late to my class wayyyyy over yonder on the other side of campus in the Jacobetti building so I leave extra early. Lo and behold I get there 45 minutes early. What do I do? Claim a bench and sleep on it like a straight up hobo. It was fantastic. 

So don't be embarrassed next time you choose options number 1 and 2 because there is always room for number 3.

Trashy

While most people do stupid stuff while they're drunk, I do stupid stuff when I'm tired.

And stupid in my case means cleaning. That doesn't sound dumb, does it? Well it is. Because when I clean and I'm not thinking straight, things end up in funny places. I mostly just shove everything under my bed, make a pile of recyclables, throw scraps of random stuff out, and put the "important" documents that I'm most likely never going to look at again in my drawer.

But when I'm tired, sometimes things end up in the wrong place... like my Express card, which gives me food...

I texted Natalie and asked her if she wanted to go to the MP, and of course I couldn't find my card! So after spending about half an hour demolishing my room, I went down to the front desk and the MP to ask if they had it, and neither of them did. And I came back to my room and had to contemplate. What the heck did I do with it? And my eyes fell on the trash can.

No way, I thought to myself. But I had to check, didn't I? I literally ripped my room apart looking for it, so the card couldn't be anywhere else. But what if my roommate walks in on me? I've already been telling her to "go to her grave" in my sleep (which is another entire story) and the last thing I need is for her to think I'm eating out of the garbage or something. 

Lo and behold! I threw my card in the trash. And so began the series of uncomfortable explanations to the girl at the front desk and the guy who checks us in at the MP.

For the record, dinner wasn't particularly scrump (shout out to Tarny!) last night, so my excitement was pointless.

Happy October!